Trying Era: What I’m Loving Right Now

Hey guys! 

Thanks for checking out the blog related to this episode. I created this episode to be more light hearted and off the cuff because even though I do think past episodes have been educational and informative, they’ve been less fun and spontaneous. I don’t want to be rigid in how I approach anything so I want to make sure I mix up the type of episodes I am recording as I learn and grow as a podcaster. 

This episode is all about the things I am currently loving during my Trying Era! The different things, events, small rituals, etc that are giving me LIFE during this season and keeping my life light. 

To begin with, I am absolutely loving Disney’s Dreamlight Valley. This is a game I started playing when I returned from South Africa (something I will definitely blog/podcast about!) and it has been a regular joy for the past few months. DDLV is a game comparable with Animal Crossing and the Sims - you have a location you get to create to be your own, villagers, and quests to complete for those villagers. In this game, the villagers or people are all Disney characters! As someone that loves Disney to begin with, it’s not hard to imagine how much I absolutely love getting to have characters like Simba, Alice, Mike Wazowski, Mushu, and many others, as my neighbors and friends. But the absolute highlight so far for me has been the fact that I was able to purchase my own Dalmatian puppy - LUCKY! - as a companion and pet. That means I can walk around a Disney fantasyland with Lucky as my personal companion and quest partner. And on top of that, I can make Simba follow me around to help. What more could I ask for?! If you decide to try it out, please comment or let me know so we can chat about it! 

Something else I am living for in this season is working out and trying new machines! I honestly am surprised I am even typing this, because visibility and trying in relation to my physical body has always been the most terrifying thing for me. Something I will definitely blog and podcast about in more depth in the future is childhood bullying trauma around weight, because that plays heavily into my life trajectory and what I am talking about right here. But for now, it is enough to just say that I used to weigh over 315lbs, was diagnosed diabetic by 14, and suffered extreme bullying for my weight my entire childhood. Much of that is blacked out behind poor memory and cruel flashbacks. But never-the-less, the trauma from those experiences exist and are there and still impact me, even at 39 years old and only 135lbs. As a result, that makes experimenting with anything physical a whole psychological event that has to unfold and I have to unpack beforehand. 

All that to say, I’ve been actively working on creating a gym routine with my best friend the past few months - we have committed to 2x a week where we will meet and workout together. That consistency has made my gym confidence slowly grow - allowing me to contemplate trying new machines. I began in the past month experimenting with a couple new (to me, obviously) machines that focus on core strength and I am so incredibly proud of my progress! I am seeing both the emotional/nervous system/mental health improvements, but also the physical! As someone who has gone through so much weight gain and loss, my body is wonky AF. My insurance actually covered me removing skin because it was becoming problematic, and that created even more odd body areas. I have weird fat pockets, skin irregularities, stretch marks, skin pockets that got sewn together, etc. I always assumed there was no way I could really improve some of these areas with the strange weight gain/loss I’ve experienced and skin removals. I am incredibly grateful to be WRONG! I’m sure there are some things I really can’t change - the weird areas where skin was sewn together being one of them. But I am finding with working out, those areas are improving. It’s looking better and getting smaller, while I get stronger and leaner. I am loving the results of the work I am putting in and grateful to myself for continuing to try. For the first time in my life, I am looking forward to how my body is changing!

It’s wild to finally feel more at home in my skin and want to improve my body. What’s also wild is that at this stage in my life, something else I am really loving is COSTCO! And their insane clothing deals that I did not appreciate as a younger person. I have always loved beautiful people, glamour, and high fashion. I think this started when I was young due to bullying - I fantasized about being a beautiful person who could exist as they are. Anything other than the fat child I was that experienced daily abuse from those around me. I ended up admiring and wishing I could be these beautiful people, which led to me desiring to own and have glamorous items they had. That would at the least put me in proximity with them and their lives - I could own some of the same things. So over my life time, I have coveted many of the items celebs may purchase - from high fashion purses to beautiful athleisure knits. I, too, am not immune to the gorgeous photoshoots they produce with sunlight streaming through the blinds while in their luxurious ALO Yoga outfit. I want to own all of those items and to be luxurious too. And I have. I have spent the money on brand items I didn’t really need. And this isn’t to shame myself - I will always get myself the things I want. If I wanted a specific high fashion bag still, I will get it. This is more about me recognizing that I don’t even want all of those things sometimes - I am letting the beautiful people and their photo shoots influence me! Which made me realize while shopping at COSTCO, the soft buttery leggings (with pockets!!!) that are Kirkland brand and only $20, are just as good as the $120 ALO leggings I don’t need. And I love that for me and my pocketbook! I encourage you to love that for you, too. And no.. COSTCO is not paying me. But they should! ;) 

And finally, I’m appreciating the small daily rituals I’ve been incorporating into my daily routine and my productivity. I started going back to coffee shops when I am having trouble working, and I am really enjoying that. I wrapped up an entire mural concept while working at a local coffee shop in the mornings. I’ve also booked that mural and began painting it today! I will definitely end up writing a whole blog post about the mural, and I anticipate a podcast episode, too. But for now - I just wanted to throw this in there! I’m also enjoying podcasting and sitting with episode ideas/learning the creation process. Letting my voice stand and having a space to speak my truth. I have found I really enjoy this medium for creativity and I know I deserve a space in thought leadership.